The Pressure to be Perfect.

I am nowhere close to perfect. For some people, it doesn’t bother them. For me, it always has.

Growing up, I’ve always felt that I’d been so blessed to have the opportunities that I had. My parents were always working so hard in order to give me and my siblings everything we needed and more.

In return, I felt I should be the perfect daughter. This meant getting the best grades, behaving the way I was taught to behave, and most importantly, follow their rules.

When I was younger, all of these things were so much easier. Being perfect didn’t even cross my mind. A few years after I entered high school, it was much more difficult. I feel like this is something that changes as you get older. You start to realize how imperfect you really are.

You’re too messy. You’re not pretty enough. You’re too lazy. You don’t have the best grades. You’re a disappointment to your parents.

That’s when it gets to be too much to handle. Being a disappointment to your parents is one of the most terrible feelings to have. All my life, I just wanted my parents to be proud of me. In reality, all I did was keep letting them down.

The worst thing is, the more you let them down, the harder you try to improve. The harder you try, the more upset you when you let them down again. It’s an exhausting cycle, let me tell you.

My parents have instilled in me to always be the best version of myself I could be, but what if you’re still not happy with your best? No matter how much I strived to surpass my “best”, I still felt like I wasn’t good enough.

I wanted my parents to be proud. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to be perfect.

My own thoughts sent me into a downward spiral. I started having trouble sleeping, I starting distancing myself from those I cared about, and even worse? I was getting further and further away from my idea of perfect.

After high school, I started college, and still had the exact same mindset. It was destroying me. My grades were doing fine and I was hanging out with my friends on the weekends, but I just felt so disconnected from the world.

About a year ago, I literally said “Fuck it”. I don’t remember the exact moment it was when I decided that I wasn’t going to try and be perfect, but I’m so happy that I came to the realization.

I do still try to get good grades, but I don’t tear myself up if I don’t get a grade I want. I have an amazing group of friends, but I did let go of some friends that weren’t completely healthy. I do still try to please people, but not to the same extent as before. I still try to be the perfect daughter, and while it still eats me up inside when I don’t succeed, I know they are still proud of me.

I will never represent the textbook version of the word “Perfect”, but I’m slowly realizing that I am getting closer to who I actually want to be. I may not be perfect, but fuck it, I’m happy to say I don’t care as much anymore.

There are still some days where I struggle with it internally, but it’s nowhere as bad as it was a few years ago. I think it’s something that I’m almost always have a mental fight with, but I’m working on it. All I know is that I’m a happier person.

 

I hope you guys like getting to know a bit more about me. I hope you guys have an amazing day/night.

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13 thoughts on “The Pressure to be Perfect.

  1. Especially when you grow up as the “perfect” child, it becomes really hard to make the much-needed mistakes that will eventually help you find yourself. I spent years beating myself up for not being instantly good at everything and worrying about what others thought I should or shouldn’t be doing. All that did was delay my life. You are as perfect as you need to be so just be you!

    1. Thats exactly how I felt growing up! I felt like I wanted to be perfect so badly that it was hard to make mistakes and not feel shitty about myself! I hope you moved forward from that phase like I did. Thanks so much Nicky💕💕 xxx

  2. This is pretty much how I felt when I entered high school. I became “more aware” of my appearance and my personality. My attitude towards myself only changed upon graduating and spending more time in my own space. I learned to understand an appreciate myself a lot more.

    Great post.

    The Girl on the Tamarind Hill

    1. That’s exactly how I felt! High school gave me this idea of who I should be and what I should look like. Once I graduated high school and didn’t have the constant stream of judgmental comments I became much more comfortable with myself. Thanks so much for reading xxx

  3. Thanks for sharing this personal post. I think so many of us feel like we’ve failed because we don’t live up to expectations put on us by school, family, friends, and most of all ourselves. It’s definitely something I still struggle with. I do find it very hard to accept that I can’t be perfect, but I am working towards being able to let that go and just do the best I can. Thanks again for sharing.

    Beccah xx
    thehonestolive.com

    1. I completely agree! There is so much pressure to have a certain image, and it’s impossible to reach. We just have to let go of the fact that we aren’t perfect, and just try to be the best versions of ourselves possible . Thanks so much for reading doll xxx

  4. I’m so glad that you’re happier within yourself! We all have our own perceptions on what perfect really is, but as long as you’re happy nothing else matters! You’re a beautiful person inside & out and I am so glad I get to call you one of my friends! Being kind, caring, reliable and honest is so much more important than being perfect and they are all definitely qualities you have!!

    Love you girly xxx

    1. I have finally learned to let go of what perfection, and I am realizing what true happiness is! People probably notice from my instagram pictures, but I am happy 🙂 Thank you so much for all those kind words, it means a lot coming from a friend like you. I am so lucky to have a wonderful person like you in my life. Thank you so much for reading Melissa xxx

  5. I think We all are perfect
    Just the way we are.thast the way God created us. It is good to be different. So perfect is relative. Like beauty is seen in the eyes of the beholder.
    Don’t stress in making anybody happy, just be you and try to be good to others when you can but never harn yourself trying to pleases others.
    I think your parents are proud of you and are happy to have you in their life

    1. You are completely right! I hope someone reads this posts and comes to that realization themselves. I am so much happier as a person as I’ve learned to let things go and just accept who I am. Thanks so much for reading ! Xxx

  6. I am a perfectionist and I could really relate to what you said.
    My ex boyfriend, is really intelligent and successful. I always felt like a failure that had to go out of my way to try and prove I was perfect in some way.
    Even growing up, I constantly saw my class and tried to fixed them.
    What I think we have to remember is, as perfect as someone may seem, they are at fault like everyone. The reality of perfection is false. I’m you have some many amazing qualities that you may not realise. Xx

    1. It’s taken me a while to realize that, but it’s been much easier since I figured it out! I’m glad to hear that you’ve also come to that realization! Thanks for reading Lauzie xxx

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