I’m a rather messy person, and I’m not talking about leaving a cup on the counter occasionally or a person who leaves their bed undone in the morning. I am talking about MESSY. I’m the person that waits til the last moment to wash clothes, and therefore, can sometimes have dirty clothes all over the floor (I know, I know, you don’t even have to say anything. Judge away.). I’m the person that has 2-3 empty Amazon Prime boxes in my room before I remember to put them in recycling. I’m the person who has no more room for beauty products or clothes, and yet buys more. Don’t get me started on books. I have too many, my mother honestly yells at me anytime I buy more.
The truth is, sometimes I like a lil clutter. I don’t always like to see every single corner to be spotless. Most of the time though, I let my room get way past the point of “only a lil clutter”.
The second truth is, sometimes I can’t help it. I have three enormous flaws, which creates these giant messes. One, I get overwhelmed extremely easily. Therefore, the moment the mess becomes rather large, I either don’t want to deal with it, or I deal with it at such a slow pace that I’m creating a mess much faster than cleaning it up.
This leads me to flaw number two, I’m extremely lazy. I love cute clothes and hate washing, drying, and folding them (This is actually probably the reason why it takes me so long to do them. Well that, and flaw #1.) I hate dusting. I hate seeing dust on my furniture, but I hate that you have to dust so often! Laziness is such a struggle, I don’t know how some people have the energy to keep their areas so spotless. Or maybe they don’t have loads of energy, but they don’t let the mess pile up like I do? Don’t answer that one, I definitely know which one seems more plausible.
This leads me to my third and final flaw, I’m not perfect. I’ve spoken about this time and time again. No one’s perfect, but mental health and winter are a tricky combination to balance out, and something I definitely struggle with year after year. It’s winter over here, and so Depression and Anxiety are totally kicking my ass. When I get home, most of the time I either want to watch TV or sleep. I will sometimes just throw my work clothes on the floor and go to bed. Which continues a cycle until there are a week or two’s worth or thrown dirty clothes on the floor. Catch my drift? Then there are days where I’m so happy and energetic(finally) where that’s the last thing I want to do is spend the day at home cleaning everything up. Like I said, I do clean, but at a ridiculously slow pace. I’ll clean my bathroom, and maybe my sitting area, but not the clothes. I swear, the clothes are usually the worst part, but I’m sidetracking, or am I?
I try so hard to make my life seem so put together, when in all honestly, you look at my room, and most of the time you can totally see I’m the farthest away from it. Hmm, the window to the soul is a look at someone’s bedroom? Seems like I may be onto something. Sidetracking, yet again.
I mean, I’m definitely constantly fighting back with my mental illness. This post is not a declaration of failure or of giving up. Quite the contrary. This post is actually a post of solidarity.
You may look at my Instagram, and see that my life is all laughs, travels, and good times. Someone told me “Wow, you look like you’re living your best life right now! You look so happy!” Yes, I am actually genuinely happy when those pictures were being taken, but I am not always that happy in real life. Behind social media, I am a 23 year-old girl, with quite a messy room.
As always, sending you love, strength, and positivity.